Wednesday, 11 April 2012

when it all gets to much..... write a blog post?

when it's all too much...i withdraw, if your wondering where I'm at I'm in hiding, looking for jobs snapping at my kids, bluing with my hubby and weeping. Yeah life is not a party all the time, i know that oh do i know that at the moment. Its nothing monumental that has made me so sad, cranky and irritable. Its a distinct lack of money, its the lack of time to myself, its the lack of progress on the reno, it's those pesky people who want us to pay our bills, it's those frustrating people who won't pay our invoices. Its the lack of jobs available with flexible work hours, it's the stupid forms I'm filling out for jobs. Its the massive amounts of tax we pay! Its the horrid business of being a grown up that is dragging me down, crushing my spirit and making me not 'fun' anymore.

So when it's like this for me and its like this at the moment and it happens to coincide with a visit from auntie flow look out because I'm a crazy lady who might just bite your head off, pop a pen in your eye, or flop onto your shoulder in a mass of hysterical crying. OMG lady time you suck, and while I'm at it i hate all the ways we refer to our period. Rags, that time of the month (like I'm changing into a wear wolf or something), menstruation, period and little friend, i can tell you its no friend of mine.Ughh  and i hate that I'm the meanest to the people i love best and i can't seem to stop myself what is with that? Perhaps i should be locked up in a cage until the moon has changed?

I had a wonderful visit with a friend today and amongst all of the conversation she asked me a few things and i got to thinking that its all about my expectations. I know that in a day or two this hormonal creature will dissipate and i will be perky-ish again, but its also about focusing on what i want in life. And yes id like some new underwear that's not got holes in it or stretched elastic, but some of the things i really want i already have. I was reminded to that i should spend some time in the spaces that make me feel content and my garden is one of those places. Its a part of this renovation that is well underway, its a space I've carved out from scratch. My children like to play in this space, my cats like to hide in my garden sun baking and soaking up the serenity. So tomorrow thats what i intend to do act a little bit like my cat Zephyr and spend a bit of time in my garden im going to sit and sip my morning coffee, keep one eye on my kids as they munch there brekkie zombie like in front of abc kids and I'm going to watch the rain or if I'm really lucky the rain will clear up tonight and i can take in the sun.

I hope you all have a serenity moment tomorrow too where your breaths are deep and calm and contentment descends upon you. I hope you all have at least one friend like mine who loves you enough to listen. good night love sassy

Eli hiding in the garden, thats going to be me tomorrow

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